Saturday, September 22, 2007

Pitiful Short-term Happiness

"I was born with the word 'sorrow' printed on my forehead", I usually say that, even though I don't like it at all!

What a pity that after many years sunken in the well of loneliness, the happy time for me has only lasted for a few months. The hell is getting back to me when my natural love has been discontinued, when I had to get back to myself again. I love nature, I'd love to be natural... but I have to stop it, my most natural love, for the one I love. "How can it be?" I'm always wondering...

Maybe I'm born to be alone, and maybe I'm better to be alone! But my heart doesnot say that! It seems easier for me to live when I was a child (in a lonely childhood), when my heart didnot know how to say a single word, when almost all of my behaviours are controlled by my head. At that time, I didnot know what is love, I didnot "waste my time" on the sadness when no one loves me, when no one plays with me, or even when my parents argue with each other.

When a young boy, I was proud that I could "overly control my feelings"! But as I aged, the bad feelings (& depression) has become to take more and more of my time, money, and my effort! Today, it has become so wasteful to me when all of my dreams are waiting for me but I have no time to realize them. I really hate to see myself overwhelmed by the sadness... I've thought love is for happiness, though! How can it turn to sadness, hatred? I cannot accept that, anyway!!!

Although just in a short period, I must always thank you, my love, for all the happiness, motivation, fresh thoughts you have brought to me. And most of all, I must thank you for giving back myself to me! I promise to keep it tight and won't lose it again!!!

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